nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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