Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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