You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
