so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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