I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
