Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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