Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
