I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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