I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
