He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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