Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
