forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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