When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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