Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
