I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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