omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
