Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
