my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
