Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
