Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
