We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
