I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
