His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize