i love accidental penises.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
