and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
