in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
