She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
