some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
