And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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