Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
