Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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