i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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