if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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