There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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