i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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