Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
