ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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