even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
