Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
