On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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