its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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