How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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