what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
