Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
