In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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