I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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