its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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