Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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