It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize