I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
