News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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