the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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