His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
