I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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