So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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