Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
