3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
