She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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