He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
