Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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