I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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