i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize