6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize