Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm passing your future prison.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
