sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
