Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
