You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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