Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
