dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
