doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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