nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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