just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
