I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
