I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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