I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
