just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dick very happy bro
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
