just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
