This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
