this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
