the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
