thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
