We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
