Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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