so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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